I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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