Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
