my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
