Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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