You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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