His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
