Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
