Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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