Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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