My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Enjoy the penises
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
