I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
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I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
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dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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