He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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