Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
