I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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