If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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