He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am available for nakedness
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
