I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
