It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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