I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
