This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
