I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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