He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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