We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
