I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
