I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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