I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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