the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
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even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
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You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!