I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?