she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
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My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?