as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
