i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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