You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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