Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
