hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
