if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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