It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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