dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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