just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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