don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
