i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
