So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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