chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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