Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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