that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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