here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shit smells like andre
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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