Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
