dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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