All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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