Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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