I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
