i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
