thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
