I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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