The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
