I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
