So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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