I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
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My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
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I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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