he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
