ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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