we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I deserve this hangover.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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