Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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