I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
