Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
